The road to Kilimanjaro

This is not where I pictured myself sitting last May when I agreed to join the group from Power to Be in their bid to climb Kilimanjaro. However here I sit in my office at home on the same day they start their climb.
Climbing Kilimanjaro has been a 35 year dream of mine. Honestly it has been more like a love affair. Why of all the mountains in the world this one? Well I like to say that's a simple answer but it isn't.For now let us just say that it was an impossible dream when the love affair started. I am not a person to say that I have had a hard life. My life has been harder then some and easier then others. Until just a few short years ago Kilimanjaro to me was just a pipe dream. Oh, I talked about it and even daydreamed what it would be like but never really believed that it would ever happen. When I was told I had lung cancer I still refused to give up this dream. I knew the chances of me ever climbing Kilimanjaro were slim but heh who was it hurting to hang on to this silly idea anyways. Cancer and I had an amazing journey where I was given the chance to start becoming the person I always knew I could be. Cancer taught me to let go of my anger and to live each day as if it was my first and my last. Most of all it taught me to soften the walls around my heart.After five years of dealing with cancer I was told that I was cancer free. What a relief those words were to hear. I hadn't thought much about Kilimanjaro during that time and it wasn't until one rainy Saturday morning two years later that the subject had come up.
I had enrolled a team in an endurance race being held by this group called "Power to Be". I really knew nothing about them. I was asked if I would help set up the course and that this guy named Tim would meet me Saturday morning.Well we met and talked for about five minutes, Tim told me about "Power to be" and I knew that this was not only a cause I could support but was also a man I could see as a life long friend. We decided it was raining to hard to set up the course and that we would try again later. Then out of the blue Tim told me that they were also organizing a trip to climb Kilimanjaro in January to raise money for Power to Be. I told him right then that I would be going! Here it was a chance to fulfil my dream and make a difference at the same time. Wow, could it get any better.Over the next six months I got to meet most of the rest of the team and to really grow to love them. These are people who put their hearts into what they believe in.I also got the chance to grow as a person by learning to stay connected with them,something I haven't been good at in the past.
The last week of November came and we had a real rainy couple of weeks.I caught at the time what I thought was a cold. The cold over the next couple of weeks keep getting worse even though the doctors put me on all kinds of medince. In the end I wound up in the hospital with pneumonia. The doctor told me that it wasn't a good idea to climb for at least a month to six weeks.I can honestly say that in that moment I was crushed.Here I was just a week away from fulfilling a life long dream and it was taken from me,so I thought.
That night I prayed. I am a man who not only believes in God but also has a one on one relationship with him. So I am sure you can guess what I asked. "Why?"
I am not one to feel sorry for myself so the question was asked o try and understand.The answer I got in return surprised me. I found that all these years that i had daydreamed about climbing Kilimanjaro I had never once dreamed of the mountain.It was always the people that I climbed the mountain with. I know you might say "OK, but now you aren't climbing the mountain with them either." That's what I said at first too. I meditate every day and the following morning this is what came to me. The mountain was never about climbing to the summit,it was about being part of something greater than myself, I found inside of me that I didn.t need to be on the mountain with my new family in order to be part of their experience. In the past when the chose had been made to not do something I would just quit trying to be apart of it and withdraw back into myself. This time by choosing to do things to help make the trip a better experience for those who are going I found that I changed my life for the better. The out pouring of love and support of my fellow team mates was heart touching. I found that it is not about showing up in person but is about showing up in heart. Do I miss being on the mountain with my friends today? No,I miss my friends. I know I am there in their hearts as they are here in mine.

Live,Laugh,Love Shean